Friday, 10 May 2013

Slapping people with fish

One of my new goals in life is to slap a person with a fish. Not just any fish though, a blue-finned tuna (why blue-finned? Because it sounds more impressive). It would be a two man job as they are very large, one person holds one end and another person holds the other and you throw it on top of  someone coming around the corner (aim for the nipple area). Then laugh as the giant fish crushes them (and their nipples). Also let us not forget the usefulness of small fish such as minnows as long range projectiles. Maximum throwing capabilities are achieved by firmly but not aggressively holding the nipples of the fish. You may be wondering, "Do fish have nipples?". The answer is most assuredly, yes. Fish do have nipples. Little known fact: Many species of fish are known to aggressively bite off the nipples of blonde haired blue eyed men. This is why my brother Andrew may no longer go swimming, he would like to keep the three remaining nipples he has. I know he only has three, what a freak right. top doctors say you need at least seven to function properly. But I digress, minnows are the optimal long range fish for beginners. More advanced people such as myself use great whites as their larger nipples allow for greater grasping abilities.
Canned and frozen fish are the weapons of cowards.
Please drop a comment concerning your favorite fishy armaments.

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