Bonjour!!

Il a venue à mon attention que un des "Hits" sur mon blog a vené de France. Je veux prenner cette chance à vous disez merci beaucoup tout le monde de France et Quebec et tout les autre pais et location français. Je suis certain que vous avez aimer mon blog. Je veux prenner aussi cette chance pour apologé pour mon français. Je sais que c'est vraiment terrible. Bonne chance avec ce que tu fais aujourd'hui.

Come on ladies

So for a while now I've been talking to a girl I know and.... She still won't attach a helium balloon to her hair! All I'm asking is for her to put her hair in a ponytail, get a helium balloon, tie the balloon to said ponytail, and see how high it floats. I've even offered to pay for the balloon and everything. She still hasn't agreed but I'll keep plucking away at her. I'll get her to do it eventually Is it really that bad? I've had my hair pulled pretty diddlying hard in the past and I doubt a balloon would be worse.

The moon is made of egg

Who came up with "The moon is made of cheese"? Who thought, when seeing a gray orb in the sky, "Hmmmmm, I bet that's dairy!"? I mean of all the things to think it could be. Why not an egg? That makes way more sense! Although eggs are classified as dairy..... point to you cheese dude I suppose. I digress though. A giant monster egg would make a lot more sense because what else but a dragon could fly up there and lay an egg in the sky? You're probably asking "Joe, why wouldn't the dragon land before laying it's egg? Flying whilst squeezing out a moon sized object from a bodily orifice sounds very uncomfortable." These are some excellent points with which I agree wholeheartedly. But why do women sometimes give birth in a cab etc.? Bad luck and unfortunate timing. Same thing happened to the dragon and then the egg just kind of floated there. When some other dragons nearby noticed this they told the dragon to leave it there to see how long it would stay up there. The female dragon said "But that's my baby up there!" To which the other dragon replied "Come on Bernadet, we all know that's unfertilized." So they left it up there and are still waiting for it to fall.

Dinosaur Diplomacy

Sometimes I wonder if dinosaurs were ever far more advanced than any human race has ever been but they went extinct due to their lack of diplomacy skills. Perhaps there was once a great and prosperous dinosaur empire which stretch across all of the earth. Land and sea! They flew around in giant hover cars and carried around briefcases and wore ties and spoke old school English. But eventually the Carnivore and Herbivore sides grew apart. War was upon them! The mighty civilization was torn to shreds! Eventually there was only small pockets of civilization left. The rest of the dinosaurs had all become little more than the massive beasts we know them as today. Losing the war the carnivores gave in to their ferocious instincts and spent the last of their resources creating a fleet of heavily armored space ships. The ships didn't bother to discriminate between friend and foe wasting the entire planet. A secret Herbivore lab poured out their own ships to try and stop them. Realizing they would soon be overwhelmed the Carnivores took drastic action. Half stayed and targeted all major super volcanoes to be found, setting them off and unleashing ash, dust, brimstone, and magma across the surface of the planet. In one final act of ferocity many of remaining Carnivores dragged a massive asteroid towards the earth and launched it into the surface of the planet. Once and for all wiping out any traces of the great and proud civilization. However the most vicious and clever species, the velociraptor, hijacked the herbivore ships in a ditch act for survival and took the herbivores as a food source for their long journey ahead looking for a new home planet.

I'M BBBAAAAAAAACCKK

I have returned, your lives are once again filled with meaning. My apologies for how long it has been since my last post, as you know I declared war on several alien cultures. Since then I have been systematically eliminating their resistance forces. I am know to be referred to as the supreme overlord of the beta, gamma, talla, and omega quadrants.

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So sayeth I, Joe, supreme leader of the earth.

Fair warning what I just posted was offensive and a declaration of interstellar war in five alien cultures.

Conquering the world. Plan # 1

Plan number one for conquering the world, Kittens....... lots and lots of kittens. It's quite simple really. First I give everyone a kitten. Awwwwww, Cute! then the kittens slit half their throats in the night. Everyone is terrified and is ready to surrender. Suddenly a hero emerges.... ME! I fend off all the kittens. We create thick walls around the last of humanity so nothing can get in or out. BUT! I left an opening. all the kittens get in and help trap the remaining humans. Game over. I now rule the world with and iron paw!
And so it was that the world fell to Joe.

Sorry about not blogging.

I'm sorry that I have not blogged much lately. I have just finished my final exam and I went to Canada's Wonderland on Saturday. Unfortunately I am also very tired and preoccupied today so here is a video of some lightning which I took with my cellphone about two weeks ago. It's pretty cool actually.

RIP my flip flops.

So earlier today a tragedy of epic proportions. My flip flops, loyal companions which went from camp Cherith all the way to Kensington market,. have passed away. Me and one of my friends were having a fun little tustle when he went for the classic (and slightly predictable) leg behind leg throw. Unfortunately, he stepped on my foot as he did so, ripping my flip flops strap apart. While I was able to finish the fight despite my deep personal loss (I won of course), I was quite saddened by the loss of my dear friends. My friend gave me a pair of his flip flops which he no longer uses as I had nothing else to wear home, but it just wasn't the same. Now, I must go and come to terms with this great personal loss.

Best exam day ever?

Earlier today I had the first of my four exams, science. I felt pretty confident coming out of it, I think I did pretty good. So, after my exam I was chilling with a couple of my friends and had a couple laughs while I waited for my math teacher to open her room so me and my friends could study for tomorrow. We finally got into her room and were chilling like villains doing a bit of studying when lunch rolls around. Usually I go to my friends house after an exam and relax and grab a bite at his house. Unfortunately, I was in the math room and he was there with me. Out of the blue he asks, "Joe do you like turkey sandwiches?" Of course I do so I answer yes. "Good, my mom packed you some for lunch." Sure enough within his lunch sack is a bag with JOSEPH printed across it. His mom packed me a lunch because I wouldn't be going to their house!! How awesome is my friend's mom? With all due respect mom, you're fired..... I'm just kidding. After an awesome lunch my teacher asked if we wanted to know what our marks were heading into the exam. Of course we wanted to know. I thought that I was failing, she looked at me almost angrily and said "I'm not sure how you're getting this. Especially after that last test." She regarded me for another moment before saying that I was at 60%. I will admit that I may have over done it on the celebration. I yelled so loud to girls nearby basically jumped out of their seats. I then did a lap of the second and third floor fist pumping. When we had had enough studying we bid farewell to our teacher and me and my two friends went outside to play around with a Frisbee. When I got home tonight there were some problems with the freezer so we had to cook the beef before it thawed and went bad, so we made tacos. To surmise, today rocked. Now I should go do a bit of studying for my math exam tomorrow.

Science

Currently I am, or should be , studying at my friends house as we have a science exam tomorrow. I should be ok but I want to keep my grade up plus I'm taking two science classes next year so I want to do well. Many people pretty much drop science as soon as it is no longer a mandatory course. I would like to ask you one question, why? if there is a chance that science will clone dinosaurs, I want to be there when it happens. Also how awesome would it be to understand a black hole? Better yet, learn how to make one. With science I will clone dinosaurs and have a black hole generator. With a black hole generator I can tell the entire world to stand down and surrender. The I will take all the dinosaur bones and DNA in the world. I will proceed to raid all cybernetic enhancement labs in the world. The earth will soon be patrolled by cloned cyborg dinosaurs, with me as the undisputed ruler. Ahhhhh, an entire world as my resort, isn't science great?

The best type of tail

Recently I've been wondering, what is the best kind of tail? I can see a monkey's tail being quite useful, after all it's basically an extra limb. Grabbing the milk, climbing a tree, holding a pencil, things like that. It would be a huge advantage in just about any situation, it also would have benefits to your balance. At the same time though I would like a scorpion's tail. Not only would it look awesome but imagine how sweet it would be for a fight. Some guy pulls a knife, you slowly and dramatically raise a massive scorpion tail over your head. The guy takes one look at it and runs away. It's kind of hard too decide, even like a lizard tail would be pretty cool. Leave a comment about what would be the best kind of tail. I'd like to hear your ideas.

FIRE!!

Ok, so yesterday me and my sister had a campfire and I discovered something fun awesome (but fairly dangerous) to do. So roll up some newspaper so that it is somewhere between loose and tight. Light the end that you aren't holding. Let it burn for about a minute. By this time it may have died on it's own, if it hasn't blow it out. Now you can re-ignite it simply by blowing on it. Wait for it to die and you can do this again, repeat. Note* Near the end you can ignite much stronger flames with less effort. *End Note. For advanced users; once you have been do this for a couple minutes and the paper is so that one must barely breathe on it too light it, swing the paper in a rapid figure eight movement to re-ignite even more awesomely.

If your thinking that you'de like to be like me then go ahead try, the kid inside will set you free.!

Ok, so I'm sitting on my laptop. Listening to a string of Spongebob songs and reading Pokemon memes. Now you may be thinking, could life get any better? Yes! The person who created this list of songs put Jelly patty and Come home Gary as the top two songs off of Spongebob. To make matters worse Best Day Ever wasn't even on there, neither was sweet victory!!!! If you haven't seen Squidward's marching band perform at the Bubble bowl you haven't lived. So to help you out here you go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0abeFiF_es also Goofy goober Rock was ranked quite low. How does this even happen? some people have no class whatsoever. Only one way to sheer m up now, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeNxh5t5dHg I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!!!!!!

Talking foods.

How bad would it suck if all food could talk? Like imagine you're just sitting down to eat and you pick up an orange and it starts talking to you? And it's a really chill piece of citrus, he's all "Hey bro s'up? How was your day? Oh, me? I just kind of hung out in that bowl over there. You should meet the red delicious, nice guy." So at this point you are extremely hungry so you also pour yourself a bowl of Froot Loops. As you pour them out there is cheering and thanks for releasing them all from their prison. Suddenly there is screams of "HELP, I CAN'T SWIM!!!" and "I'M BEING FORCED UNDER!!!" while you pour the milk. The orange just looks at you and goes "Why are you doing that?" completely aghast. You start too eat your cereal and can hear them screaming while you chew. From the bowl there are various screams such as "Where's Billy?" and crying. Finally you finish your cereal and turn to the orange "C-could you pl-please put me back in the bowl?", he asks. You reach down and start peeling the orange, you can hear the mellow voice change to screams of panic and pain, and then the barbaric finish. You rip him apart bit by bit and devour him. How weird would that be?

Summatives.

Well it's that time of the year again, summatives. We all know what that means, time too get cracking, put our nose to the grindstone, GET STUFF DONE!!! In other words I'm sitting on my couch eating peanut butter on toast calculating how long I can blow my assignment off. There's one due tomorrow which I haven't started, I'm thinking I can give it another hour or two before I get going. On second thought maybe I'll get right on it now, finish it quickly! Turn my studying habits and work ethic around! Oh, no bristleboard for my poster for another two hours? So much for that plan.

Just text me back already

Sometimes when I'm texting someone they take a super long time too respond. Needless to say I assume that they have died and it is my duty to find and eliminate the murderer. With sorrow in my heart I retrieve my compound bow, arrows, throwing knives, katana, skindoo, and machete. I begin my arduous journey too avenge the death of my friend. Along the way I begin too hone my skills, eliminating roving bands of marauders, wolves, thugs, creatures, and orcs. Finally the time comes to finish what I started out too do, then  they return my text so I go home and sit on the couch.

My new goal for the summer

It is around this time that people are setting goals for the summer and I have thought of one for myself. I want to tame a raven, if a raven is unavailable I will tame a crow instead. Crows and ravens are both highly intelligent and would thus, in my opinion, make awesome pets/companions. I will start by putting out bird seed at the same time everyday and then bringing back in at a set time as well. I will stay out with the food longer and longer until the birds get used to me. Eventually the crow/raven will no longer care that I am nearby as it eats. Slowly over a couple days I will come closer until I'km sitting next too it. Soon it will let me feed it out of my hand. At this point it will not be difficult for me to touch it while it's feeding. Eventually using small steps like this I will tame and train it. It will be called Silhouette and it will only respond too french.

The future of carrots

What is the future of carrots? Isn't it obvious? World domination. The way I see it, carrots are in a prime position for takeover. Carrots grow on almost every continent and have a variety of species including purple. Now, carrots are constantly evolving. Sooner or later the carrots will evolve to the point at which the can move and think on their own accord. When this happens they will start destroying our food supplies as revenge for having eaten them for so long. When we are starving and have little power left the carrots will step in and overpower us, making us their slaves. Before long we will be working in the fields helping grow their young. To maintain power the carrots force us to eat all other vegetables and fruits to keep them in check so that their is no chance of anything rising against them in their new position as the dominant species on the planet. Also they exterminate their natural predator, the rabbit.

Velociraptors playing basketball

Earlier today while playing basketball I was pretending to be a velociraptor. While I was doing this I started wondering wether or not velociraptors would be good at basketball. My brother just said that the huge claws would pop the ball, I like to think that they would dominate the court. Velociraptors were a speed and strategy based predators. With this speed they would tear down the court dodging anyone in there way and, because they are strategic hunters they would play their positions perfectly. Finally the jumping, their incredible jumping abilities would allow for practically half court slam dunks. All of these things would lead to complete and utter domination of the court, no one would be able to stop them..... Well, that and the fact that no one would try and beat them for fear of being eaten.