Bonjour!!

Il a venue à mon attention que un des "Hits" sur mon blog a vené de France. Je veux prenner cette chance à vous disez merci beaucoup tout le monde de France et Quebec et tout les autre pais et location français. Je suis certain que vous avez aimer mon blog. Je veux prenner aussi cette chance pour apologé pour mon français. Je sais que c'est vraiment terrible. Bonne chance avec ce que tu fais aujourd'hui.

Come on ladies

So for a while now I've been talking to a girl I know and.... She still won't attach a helium balloon to her hair! All I'm asking is for her to put her hair in a ponytail, get a helium balloon, tie the balloon to said ponytail, and see how high it floats. I've even offered to pay for the balloon and everything. She still hasn't agreed but I'll keep plucking away at her. I'll get her to do it eventually Is it really that bad? I've had my hair pulled pretty diddlying hard in the past and I doubt a balloon would be worse.

The moon is made of egg

Who came up with "The moon is made of cheese"? Who thought, when seeing a gray orb in the sky, "Hmmmmm, I bet that's dairy!"? I mean of all the things to think it could be. Why not an egg? That makes way more sense! Although eggs are classified as dairy..... point to you cheese dude I suppose. I digress though. A giant monster egg would make a lot more sense because what else but a dragon could fly up there and lay an egg in the sky? You're probably asking "Joe, why wouldn't the dragon land before laying it's egg? Flying whilst squeezing out a moon sized object from a bodily orifice sounds very uncomfortable." These are some excellent points with which I agree wholeheartedly. But why do women sometimes give birth in a cab etc.? Bad luck and unfortunate timing. Same thing happened to the dragon and then the egg just kind of floated there. When some other dragons nearby noticed this they told the dragon to leave it there to see how long it would stay up there. The female dragon said "But that's my baby up there!" To which the other dragon replied "Come on Bernadet, we all know that's unfertilized." So they left it up there and are still waiting for it to fall.

Dinosaur Diplomacy

Sometimes I wonder if dinosaurs were ever far more advanced than any human race has ever been but they went extinct due to their lack of diplomacy skills. Perhaps there was once a great and prosperous dinosaur empire which stretch across all of the earth. Land and sea! They flew around in giant hover cars and carried around briefcases and wore ties and spoke old school English. But eventually the Carnivore and Herbivore sides grew apart. War was upon them! The mighty civilization was torn to shreds! Eventually there was only small pockets of civilization left. The rest of the dinosaurs had all become little more than the massive beasts we know them as today. Losing the war the carnivores gave in to their ferocious instincts and spent the last of their resources creating a fleet of heavily armored space ships. The ships didn't bother to discriminate between friend and foe wasting the entire planet. A secret Herbivore lab poured out their own ships to try and stop them. Realizing they would soon be overwhelmed the Carnivores took drastic action. Half stayed and targeted all major super volcanoes to be found, setting them off and unleashing ash, dust, brimstone, and magma across the surface of the planet. In one final act of ferocity many of remaining Carnivores dragged a massive asteroid towards the earth and launched it into the surface of the planet. Once and for all wiping out any traces of the great and proud civilization. However the most vicious and clever species, the velociraptor, hijacked the herbivore ships in a ditch act for survival and took the herbivores as a food source for their long journey ahead looking for a new home planet.

I'M BBBAAAAAAAACCKK

I have returned, your lives are once again filled with meaning. My apologies for how long it has been since my last post, as you know I declared war on several alien cultures. Since then I have been systematically eliminating their resistance forces. I am know to be referred to as the supreme overlord of the beta, gamma, talla, and omega quadrants.

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So sayeth I, Joe, supreme leader of the earth.

Fair warning what I just posted was offensive and a declaration of interstellar war in five alien cultures.

Conquering the world. Plan # 1

Plan number one for conquering the world, Kittens....... lots and lots of kittens. It's quite simple really. First I give everyone a kitten. Awwwwww, Cute! then the kittens slit half their throats in the night. Everyone is terrified and is ready to surrender. Suddenly a hero emerges.... ME! I fend off all the kittens. We create thick walls around the last of humanity so nothing can get in or out. BUT! I left an opening. all the kittens get in and help trap the remaining humans. Game over. I now rule the world with and iron paw!
And so it was that the world fell to Joe.